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Tuesday, May 14, 2019

14 Things I dislike About the Most Nigerian Single Mothers

Recently I was going through Facebook, and I stumbled on a post with a pictured couple.

The man in the said post was a young African dude; while the woman on the other hand is an older white lady.

Ordinarily, I shouldnt be bothered because things like these have been long coming.

Besides, it is the norm especially in the western world where younger men are known for marrying women who are way older than them and vice versa for a number of reasons.

In Africa nay Nigeria, it is the way older men marrying younger ladies, whether single mothers or not, and not the other way round.

Or way older men marrying under-age girls. This is prevalent in the predominantly Muslim north of Nigeria.

Music divas like Madonna and Tina Turner are classic examples of older white ladies, and celebrities for that matter, who had reveled in toy-boy bliss at some points in their life  .

If my memory serves me right, Tina Turner's current husband is way younger than her.


As for the material girl, Madonna, she once dated the youngster Ibrahim Zaibat, (picture above) who as of that time was 24, while Madonna was 53.

However, I dont know if she ended up marrying him but speculations were rife then about engagement and stuff .

But why would a young African dude settled for an older white woman?

By far the most popular reason is financial gains. Another reason is companionship.

There is also the need to get the necessary documents as immigrants in Europe or America.

Like I said earlier, I don't give a f*ck whichever of those brought the couple in the post together like any other.

Over and above that, they're adults and it is their life and what they do with it is certainly their call and not mine.

So, why should I take pain killer over their headache, like they use to say in the local parlance? That's if they have one.

To cut the lengthy story short, I ended up clicking through, against my earlier resolve, specifically, to see the comment section.

And as I was scrolling down, my attention was drawn to a comment, written certainly by an aggrieved Nigerian lady.

She trolls the young African dude for doing what according to her many of them wouldn’t do for the younger African single mothers that are with just a child.

Arent that posturing defeatist and her indirect call for sympathy done out of ignorance of the fact that it is ill-advice for people to marry out of pity?

It is like a black American lady ranting and accusing the single white ladies of taking away their few finest men.

Is it the fault of the white ladies that there are only a few good black American men?
Perhaps, I should also add by asking who says there are a few finest black American dudes.

Obviously, the Nigerian lady disapproves of the any young African dude marrying an older white lady for whatever reasons no matter how germane. More so, when there're many single mothers at home wasting away.

The way she talks you'd think white single mothers young or old don't have the right to desire for themselves what's good just like the Black single mothers.

Whereas, what's good, they say, isn't just for one person or a select few. It is for everybody.

Besides, many like my African sister have forgotten we now live in a globalized world where the chances of dating and marrying from other cultures are greatly enhanced by a lot of factors.

And I remembered I replied her criticism of the union by saying it is nobody's right to tell two grown-up adults of opposite sex what to do with their lives as regards marriage whatever the races involved and the age differences of the two provided it is consensual.

This brings me to the issue of what I dislike in most African single mothers, especially those who fall into the category of modern-day Baby Mamas as theyre called.

I've dated one or two of them in the past. So, I would be making statements that may appear generalized but I can bet they are empirical as well. If you know, you know.

Now, let's double down to the details of the matter.

In no particular order, here are the 14 things I dislike about the most African single mothers:

1) They see men generally as unfortunate lot.

Many of them see men as unfortunate lot just because a man disappointed them and at times they shut the door against even men with promises.

2) Self-pity.

I've found out that most of them wallow in self-pity. They think everybody owes them sympathy just because of their single motherhood status.

And as can be perceived even in the comment I alluded to above, the lady obviously would prefer all eligible bachelors consider them ahead of others like they're the one responsible for their predicament or misfortune.

Im sorry if that sounds harsh. But it is the truth.

3) They think only men jilt.

From what I've seen of many of them, there seems to be this generalized notion that only men jilt.

They so easily forget or gloss over the simple truth that women just like men jilt making it a non-gender issue.

4) They demand that men who are wooing them to love their child (ren), in some cases, more than their Exs who got them pregnant.

They do it even as a precondition for dating men and so missed out on the chance to get hooked sooner than expected.

5) They mournfully argue child bearing is no disease.

Indeed, nobody thinks it is.

However, when their relationship suffers a setback, they are quick to think it was as a result of their being single mothers.

They tend to overlook other remote reasons that might be responsible for such.

This they also do, when in truth, their kid(s) is standing in the way of a new relationship, especially, if the new guy sees it as a burden he cannot carry.

6) They want the new guys to take them with their baggage even if the guys dont have the means to do so. More so, they do it when they're not prepared to make amends.

7) They usually think their status is the fault of men who got them pregnant forgetting they owe it to themselves to say no or at least insist some form of preventive measures are adopted.

8) They are always the suckered ones. They assumed they are about the only ones that are the target of men whose game plan is to fool women. This is a false or wrong attitude to take into a relationship.

9) They over-dramatized the necessity for caution.

Yes, having suffered disappointment in a previous relationship should be an eye opener to the pitfalls in a poorly handled affair.

Nevertheless, it shouldn't call for over-dramatizing caution when it comes to starting a new relationship.

People rise and people fall. When one has fallen, don't hesitate a second to get back on your feet.

There's a Yoruba proverb that says: ' if one stumbles while learning to ride a horse, it's only normal to immediately mount it all over again'.

10) They struggle to gain adjustment.

Adjustment is when a person or people come to themselves after straying into the wrong path in life.

The first step to gaining adjustment from love related maladjustment is the consciousness or realization one has erred as a result of wrong priority or taking things for granted.

Afterwards, the next thing is to approach the challenge frontally like a man with a broken down vehicle would. He calls in the trained specialist and his car gets fixed.

11) They overly play the victim.

A victim is anybody who receives either a reversible or irreversible injury or ill-treatment from nature or from people.

And it is only normal they traumatize or agonize. It's also normal they are on the lookout for support.

But over playing the victim is when you refused to be healed even when there are ample time and a measure of commensurate assistance to help in mitigating the impact.

12) They scarcely add value to their men.

Most African single mothers scarcely add value to the life of the new men who try to court them.

Instead, they come with liability or unrealistic expectations which they expect their new male suitors to resolve unlike their white counterparts who are more or less an asset to have around.

13) They suspect all men but themselves.

There is nothing worse than to live a paranoid or suspicious life.

This many of them do under the guise of not letting down their love guard.

As a single mother, the moment you start to become apprehensive or suspicious of the intention of men who approach you for a relationship; it deprives you of opportunities to have a chance at love again and to live a healthy love life with members of the opposite sex.

As such today, you have many of them who are still single because they are unable to overcome abuse or breach of trust in a previous relationship. Yes, you cannot wholly trust every man that comes your way, but at least you must trust someone.

14) They think their world have come to the end.

Many a time, the typical African single mother thinks her world has ended when it comes to getting another man to love them especially if there suffered one or two disappointment in the process of doing so.

And instead for them to always prep up themselves ready to mingle, they sometime withdraw into the shell of inferiority complex brought about by their past mistakes.

P.S: I want to salute the African single mothers who became single again either because of the untimely death of their husbands or to safe themselves from abusive relationships that have the potential to lead to death or permanent disability but are courageously forging ahead with the hope of remarrying and living a healthy marital life again.

If you feel up to it, you're free, as a reader, to disagree, remove or add to this list as you wish.
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